The Secret Life of Kelly Jones
by slashbutterfly
Summary: St Trinian's series of songfics. Celia/Kelly, Kelly/Annabelle, Celia/Anoushka, and who knows what else? Normal femslash warnings apply. Bit of angst, bit of unrequited love, bit of everything.
1. 4Ever

(A/N: This is a prologue sort of thing. It's eventually going to be 11 chapters, I hope – all songfics to the track listing of "The Secret Life Of The Veronicas" (minus the last one as I don't like it. Song names are chapter titles; search for the songs to hear them. I think they're quite St Trinian's-y. Girl power etc. Anyways, enough waffle. Onto the (v short) chapter. Reviews appreciated, as always!

EDIT: Just noticed I haven't put any disclaimers in! Oops. St Trinian's does not belong to me, and nor do the songs. Now I am at least a little more legal.)

1. 4ever

_Come on baby we are gonna live forever_

_Let me show you all the things that we could do_

_You know you wanna be together_

_And I wanna spend the night with you_

As the music pulsed through the floor of the hall, two girls stared at each other over the heads of the rest. They'd been making eyes at each other for months now. Something had to come of it.

They started to make their way towards each other, circling slowly, like predator and prey. Eventually they met in the middle of the dancefloor, bodies pressed together by the masses of screaming pupils.

The taller girl smiled at the shorter. She knew they'd both wanted each other, right from the start. But only now would it happen.

"Come on," she whispered, taking her hand, and they began to dance. A space cleared around them as everyone moved back to watch the head girl and the hippy dancing together, as a little more than friends.

Kelly smiled, and leant down towards Celia.

"Let's get out of here."

They danced their way across the hall and out into the lobby, where the music was just as audible, up the stairs and – who knows where?

That was the beginning.


	2. Everything I'm Not

(A/N: Well, I'm carrying on with this regardless of whether or not anyone else reads it, because _I_ like it. This chapter is set a few months after the first. Please review if you reaf – I'd like to know what you think, though obviously especially if it's positive! Thankyou  and now onwards and upwards (I hope…))

2. Everything I'm Not

_Like you're so perfect_

_And I can't measure up_

_Well I'm not perfect_

_Just all messed up_

Celia sighed. She was sitting on her bed, warming her hands around a cup of herbal tea, and thinking. Not about the mysteries of life in general, for once. No, she was thinking now about her own life. And about Kelly, in particular.

Kelly of the black hair and red lipsticked smile.

Kelly, Head Girl.

Kelly, her girlfriend.

Supposedly.

Things had been good, at the beginning. They had had fun together. It had been very light-hearted, very casual – just the way both of them liked it. And God, Kelly was good.

But then Celia had realised she was a little deeper in than she liked to be, usually. She was more than attracted to Kelly, and it was more than the sex that kept her hanging on. And by some cruel twist of fate, it was around this time that Annabelle Fritton arrived at the school.

Oh, she had nothing against Annabelle personally. Lovely girl, and all that. No, it was her effect on Kelly that she objected to. And God knows that wasn't really Annabelle's fault.

After the new girl's transformation into a proper St Trinian, you couldn't exactly blame Kelly either. She was hot, and no denying it. Annabelle herself seemed to be practically oblivious to this fact. Sadly, Kelly was not.

Celia had seen the way she looked at Annabelle, had watched Kelly watching Annabelle, and knew that her days were numbered. But so attached was she that she tried everything to get Kelly's attention back. She'd always worn the unofficial uniform of skirts and heels, but she'd never been particularly into the look. Now, she found herself conscious of what she was wearing, choosing skirts just a little bit shorter, heels just a little bit higher, makeup just a little bit more obvious.

Soon, though, she realised it wasn't working, was never going to work. And eventually she'd made up her mind. She didn't appreciate having her heart broken, and it was as a matter of pride that she felt compelled to let Kelly off the hook. Because it was blindingly obvious that Kelly was never going to do it. At this, Celia laughed bitterly. No, she was far too busy ogling Little Miss New Girl for that. Anger and jealousy were not familiar emotions to her, and her usually calm and sweet nature soon righted itself.

_I was losing myself to somebody else_

_But now I see_

_I don't want to pretend so this is the end_

_Of you and me_

_Cause the girl that you want_

_She was tearing us apart_

_Cause she's everything, everything_

_I'm not_

Having finished her mug of tea, she slowly got up and made her way to Kelly's room. Better get it over with, she thought, taking a deep breath and knocking gently on the door. From inside, she heard a shout of "Come in!" She braced herself, wincing at the thought of what she was about to do, and crept inside.

Seeing her, Kelly jumped up instantly and enveloped her in a hug. "Cee! Where have you been? I've been missing you recently."

No you haven't, thought Celia as she disentangled herself from the embrace. Steeling herself, she looked up at the taller girl.

"I don't know how to say this, Kelly – I've never done this kind of thing before – but – well, the thing is – I think we should split up."

There. She'd said it. She watched carefully as a series of emotions flitted across Kelly's face. First came shock, and incredulity; then sadness, incomprehension; finally her beautiful features settled into resolve and – was that relief? Happiness, even?

Shaking her head to dispel her treacherous thoughts, she hurried on before her girlfriend – wait, _ex_-girlfriend – could interrupt. "Don't. We both know it's over. Because there's someone you want more than me, isn't there? I've seen the way you look at her. And I wish you every happiness. Provided she feels the same way, of course. But I'm not going to be the one to stand in your way."

Standing on tiptoe, she whispered, "I loved you, Kelly Jones." She kissed her then, softly, on the cheek, and ran out of the room before her tears could start to fall.


	3. When It All Falls Apart

(A/N: Part 3… not much to say, except thanks to those who've reviewed so far, it means a lot! Prepare for angst…)

3. When It All Falls Apart

_I'm having the day from hell_

_It was all going so well (before you came)_

_And you told me you needed space_

_With a kiss on the side of my face (not again)_

Kelly stood in shock as the door slammed behind Celia. What had prompted this all of a sudden? Things had been going so well. And yes, maybe she'd been a little inattentive recently, but that wasn't because there was anyone else!

_Be honest with yourself, Kelly,_ the little voice at the back of her brain murmured. _You know exactly who she means…_

No. It was preposterous! Just paranoia. That was all.

She sank down onto the bed, lost in her thoughts. Why? Why would Celia do something like that? It had always been a casual thing, their relationship, and everyone knew it – Celia best of all.

Those last words haunted her, though.

_I loved you, Kelly Jones._

She had never had even the slightest inkling that Celia felt more for her than what she showed on the surface. Was she really that unobservant? And would it have made any difference?

Because, of course, Kelly Jones did not do love.

_Except for…_

She put her hands firmly over her ears to stop her thoughts from whispering at her.

No, she most definitely didn't do love. She was very fond of Celia, and cared for her deeply, but she didn't love her, not by any stretch of the imagination.

_Got to pick myself up_

_Where do I start?_

_Cause I can't turn to you when it all falls apart_

Feeling deeply sorry for herself, she curled up on her bed, drawing her knees right up to her stomach, shutting herself off from the outside world. Why now? Why now, just when she was, for the first time in her life, confused and unsure. So many thoughts inside her head, clamouring for attention, needing to be heard. But she didn't want to listen. All she wanted to do was sleep… sleep… _sleep__…_


	4. Revolution

(A/N: An end to the angst, and the beginnings of something else?)

4. Revolution

_I am temperamental_

_Like a heart without a home_

_I am sentimental_

_But you don't know me at all_

Everyone noticed the change in Kelly over the next few days. Their usually bubbly, upbeat, cheerfully cynical head girl had become withdrawn and haggard. She no longer seemed to care what she looked like, and the trademark red lipstick had disappeared. But nobody dared to approach her. Annabelle and Taylor whispered in the shadows, but they were far too scared of her wrath to mention it. Flash almost plucked up the courage on a couple of occasions, but as he always became a mumbling wreck when faced with Kelly, even a washed-out, faded Kelly, he was no use to anyone.

In the end it was Anoushka who broached the subject. She came across Kelly sitting up on the roof, legs dangling over the side, looking for all the world as if she might throw herself off into oblivion at any moment.

Anoushka, however, had no reservations. She knew perfectly well that Kelly was far too sensible to do anything of that nature; and besides, the ornamental pond below should save her from any harm.

"Girl, what you doing?" Anoushka's low tones cut into the peaceful haze surrounding Kelly, and she turned, startled.

"Anoushka! Wh-"

Arms folded, the Russian girl faced her stonily.

"What has got into you? Everyone's worried. School is in uproar without you, girl. Teachers running loose all over the place."

Kelly smiled feebly at this, and seeing the half-smile, so did Anoushka.

"That is the spirit! More of that, girl, and soon you will rule school once again."

Having accomplished what she came up to do, she turned on her heel abruptly and began to make her way back down the stairs. Upon hearing Kelly's voice, she halted, and listened.

"Anoushka? Thanks. You gave me the kick up the arse that I needed."

The blonde-haired girl grinned.

"_Pozhalsta, _Kelly. No problem."

_Hold on tight_

_I am, am a revolution_

_Close your eyes_

_I am, I am, I am_

_I'll blow your mind_

_I am, am a revolution_

_Why do I have to explain who I am again and again?_

_I am_

From that moment on the Kelly they all knew and loved was back in full force, lipstick in place, heels clacking once again on the tiles floors of St Trinian's. The spring was back in her step, and everyone silently thanked Anoushka for putting everything back in its rightful place. Her friends were glad to see her back to her usual self, and even Cynthia smiled to see her happy again. By now the whole school knew of their break-up, although not of the reason behind it, nor who had done the dumping. The head girl's room was one of the few places safe from invasion by any form of recording equipment. It was felt by all that that would be akin to sacrilege.

Soon afterwards, posters appeared all over the school proclaiming that there would be a talent show to celebrate the non-closure of the school. The students were a little puzzled at this – surely that was the kind of thing a _normal_ school would do? – but as soon as it was made known that it was Kelly's idea, any doubts vanished. Even the Posh Totty, normally far too cool for this sort of childish merriment, threw themselves whole-heartedly into preparing their debut outing as a girl group.

As well as music, certain members of the school were preparing small sketches and scenes to perform as part of the showcase. Kelly was overseeing the proceedings one afternoon, and she watched as Annabelle, Taylor and some other members of the upper school strode onstage to rehearse their extract.

She had no idea what it was they were performing - she was far too busy admiring Annabelle's legs in fishnets and an obscenely short skirt. _God, that girl is hot, _she found herself thinking. Hastily she checked herself. Annabelle? No, of course she didn't fancy Annabelle. What a ridiculous idea. She was just… appreciating her. That was all.

Her attention suddenly returned to the scene in hand when Taylor leaned forward and kissed Annabelle squarely on the lips, only to pull away a fraction of a second later and collapse into a fit of giggles. She stood and watched, losing all sense of whatever else was going on in the room, as they repeated the kiss again and again, as each time Taylor backed off at the last moment or started laughing hysterically.

Sighing, she rolled up her sleeves and stalked up the steps onto the stage. Was she going to have to do _everything_ herself? She strode over to Taylor and gently pushed her aside. Without so much as a pause for breath, she leant down, took Annabelle's face in her hands and kissed her, properly, on stage, in front of everyone. Annabelle seemed a little uncertain, but after a while (probably reassuring herself that it was all part of the acting) she let herself be kissed.

When they eventually stopped, everyone was watching them, some spellbound, some shocked. Kelly straightened up, smoothed down her skirt, and cleared her throat.  
"No, _that's_ how you do it."


	5. Secret

(A/N: Dear Flash fans (if any), I am truly sorry, but in my universe Kelly is quite clearly a lesbian. Please don't hit me for making him sad!)

5. Secret

_You can call me six times but still I won't pick up the phone_

_You can spend all your money on me but still I'll say no_

_You can write a million letters every day confessing to me_

_That I am the girl of your dreams_

_But nobody ever asked me_

_I never looked at you that way_

_Cause I always thought you were gay_

But right now Kelly had bigger problems to deal with than why she'd suddenly felt compelled to kiss her best friend passionately on stage (_and why she'd liked it… _whispered the little voice.) Well, not bigger problems, maybe, but certainly more pressing ones. Namely, Flash.

It was no secret that he had a thing for her, but he'd become much more forward in his advances since hearing of her split from Celia. Now he was always pestering her to go to the cinema with him, or out for a meal, or anything at all, really. It would have been kind of cute, a little endearing, maybe, except for the fact that Kelly had no feelings for him at all. It was time to put him out of his misery.

She found him by the garage, as she'd known she would. His face perked up at the sight of her, this being one of the few times she'd sought him out instead of vice versa. He started to speak, probably to ask her out on another thinly-disguised date, but she cut him off.

"I don't fancy you, Flash."

He did not look as down as she'd thought he would at this blunt stating of the truth. He just seemed to accept it straight away, after only a moment of regret.

"I know, Kel. I always have."

And suddenly she found herself telling him everything. About Celia hinting at another person and her subsequent flat-out denial. About how she'd had to stop herself gawping at Annabelle like a teenage boy on more than one occasion. About how she'd suddenly kissed her. And about her sudden realisation that Annabelle had no interest in her whatsoever.

He listened kindly as her words streamed over him, and when she'd finally finished, he put his hand on her shoulder, smiling sadly.

"Unrequited love ain't so bad, Kel. You just gotta learn to live with it."

"Love? Who said anything about love? It's just… infatuation, that's all."

And with that she spun away, leaving Flash staring glumly after her.


	6. Mouth Shut

(A/N: This is just a little sort of chapterette thing - I've almost finished the whole story and the other chapters will be up when I feel like it! The next one is going up in a minute.)

6. Mouth Shut

Kelly had a lot to contemplate. Shunning the tentative offers of company from her friends, she chose to stay in her room, aimlessly pulling clothes out of wardrobes and putting them back in again in a different order, re-categorising her records, and alphabetising her books. When she had finally run out of meaningless, pointless jobs to do, she stopped procrastinating and sat down on the floor to think.

So… suppose for one minute that both Flash and Celia were right –just hypothetically, of course. Suppose she was in love with Annabelle. What then? Would it be that bad? Would she even have to tell her?

Stupid question. Of course she'd have to tell her. She'd never been one for hiding her feelings and now was no time to start. But how would Annabelle react? Would she be weird about it? Hell, she was probably the straightest person in the whole school!

One question niggled at the back of her mind. _When had this happened? _Was it when she first met her, showing her round the dorms? Was she even then falling for that plain, stuck-up girl who would turn her whole world upside down? Or after the makeover, seeing her for the first time kitted out like a true St Trinian? Or when she had proved to be just that, during the heist? And _how come everyone but her seemed to have noticed?_

_I kept my mouth shut for too long_

_Now I know that it was wrong_

_I wish I'd told you from the start_

_That this was never meant to last_

_It should have never gone this far_

She kneaded her forehead in despair. How could she have let this happen? She was Kelly Jones. She wasn't supposed to fall in love, she was meant to be above all that, sailing through life seamlessly without attaching herself to anyone or anything.

She sighed. There was nothing for it. She had to call someone, and there was only one person she could call.


	7. Leave Me Alone

(A/N: And here it is. Another very short chapter, but the next more than compensates for it.)

7. Leave Me Alone

_Don't call me on the phone_

_Cause I'm all out of words_

Celia had been watching Kelly since she made her decision to see what effect her words had had on her. She had half expected the head girl to carry on as normal, being the confident, sassy leader that everyone knew. So she was surprised to see a limp-haired, pale-faced shadow in her place the day after their break-up. And she hated to say it, but in some small way, the malicious part of her was glad.  
She wasn't being mean; it just showed that Kelly had cared for her, at least a little bit. Maybe it was the rejection that had scared her (Celia was sure she wasn't used to being dumped) but it still meant something, surely?

Then the real Kelly returned. No-one was sure quite who had made her see sense; there was a rumour going round that Anoushka had had a word, which was quite possible, but it could equally have been Taylor or Annabelle. Taylor was certainly outspoken enough, and Annabelle… well, Kelly would probably perform Hamlet's soliloquy naked in front of the whole school if Annabelle asked her to. It was now obvious to Celia that Kelly had moved on, was over their split, and ready to face life again. She couldn't feel angry towards her; despite everything, she still loved her, though she knew it was pathetic and hopeless.

So she was very surprised when one evening she picked up her ringing phone only to find that the caller display read "Kelly". At first, she was tempted to hang up without a word, but it only took her a second to realise that would have been selfish and stupid. Cautiously she answered.

"Hello?"

"Cee."

That voice brought it all back again. The good times they'd had, the tricks they'd played, the sheer fun of it all… and the pain, and the loss, and the heartbreak. She tried to make herself sound friendly and normal, instead of on the edge of tears, as was the case.

"Hey, Kel. What's up?"

There was a pause and a deep breath. "I need to talk to you. About what you said that night. About there being someone else. You know."

That broke down the barriers. A single teardrop rolled down her pale cheek as she tried to collect herself enough to answer. But she couldn't talk about this. She just couldn't. What was Kelly doing? Why couldn't she have just come to see her face to face? Couldn't she see that it was insensitive, heartless even, to try and talk to her of all people about this?

"It's not me you need to talk to, Kel. I can't help you any more. Just do me a favour and admit it to yourself. That way at least one of us can salvage something out of this whole sorry business."

She hung up, and lay on her bed, staring at the ceiling. Her head was filled with a maelstrom of emotions. Why did she have to call, just when everything was going back to some kind of normal again? Why now?

_Don't turn around_

_And don't look back_

She made herself harden her heart.

_Don't think about it, Cee. Don't remember kissing her. Don't remember how she tasted, how her hands felt on your skin, how her arms held you so tightly. Don't look back. This was your decision. You've got to stick with it. It's over._

That night in the dorm everyone was too busy discussing the kiss and debating what it meant to notice the muffled sobs coming from a certain bed at the side of the room.


	8. Speechless

(A/N: So here's another chapter - this one is a _lot_ longer than the last two. It should keep the few who like this fic going for a while! Although my impatience could easily get the better of me, seeing as I have all the chapters uploaded as documents. Anyways, thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far - it means so much, and keeps me going when I want to give up! In my opinion the story just goes downhill from here - it becomes slashy slushy angsty nonsense - but hell, it's fun to write!)

8. Speechless

Although the kiss had left everyone reeling, the show was going ahead amidst the rumours, whispers and speculations flying around the school. Kelly, retaining her usual calm composure, glided around through the rehearsals, stepping in with much-needed advice, tweaking little details, and generally being her usual self. This did not help the excitable pupils to stop discussing her very dramatic interference in a particular sketch which had now been abandoned, for obvious reasons, although they claimed it was because Taylor couldn't stop giggling and turn herself into a serious actress.

What nobody knew was that Kelly was preparing a little something of her own to perform. When not supervising the overall proceedings, she spent hours locked inside her room, practising over and over to get it just right. All anyone could discover was that she was on no account to be disturbed during these sessions, unless one had a death wish. So the school gradually left her alone to do whatever it was she was doing and got on with their own sketches, songs and stand-up routines.

The day of the show dawned far too soon for everyone involved, and much to the excitement (and amusement) of the teachers. Lessons were cancelled as everybody was far too worked up to do even a minimal amount of work, and the teachers were too busy drinking themselves into a fit state to face what they were sure was going to be a fiasco, with the notable exception of Miss Fritton, who had followed the whole idea with considerable interest, and was confident that her girls would get it right on the night.

The whole school spent most of the afternoon preening in front of mirrors; some trying to get the right look for their moment in the spotlight, so as not to be immediately booed by their fellow students; the rest using the whole thing as an excuse to dress up (not that any of them needed much encouraging). As a result, everyone except Celia was far too busy to notice the absence of a key figure. She, of course, noticed at once the head girl's non-appearance at breakfast, lunch, or indeed at all. She could not be seen anywhere outside of her room, which was where Celia assumed she must be. Her heart was heavy as she made her way to the hall with the rest of the school who were not taking part. She knew Kelly would have prepared something special, and she knew exactly who it would be directed it. If Kelly had decided to take her advice, when better to announce her feelings than in front of the whole school through the medium of dance, drama or song?

By seven o'clock the hall was packed with people staring expectantly at the drawn curtains and talking amongst themselves, waiting for the show to start. The teachers sat on the front row, with Miss Fritton in the best seat in the house. Most of them were, by this point, far too inebriated to care what would be unveiled before them, but the headmistress sat calm and composed, eager to see what her wonderful girls had come up with to make her proud.

A hush fell over the crowd as the lights dimmed and Taylor slipped through the curtains, looking not at all like her usual self in a rather pretty red dress with her hair curled very fetchingly about her face. She said not much at all, letting the crowd do their work and welcome the first act – a girlband made up of second and third years – with shouts and stamps and the occasional, quickly hushed, boo coming from a bold first year.

The show ran its course, with acts varying from the surprisingly good to the slightly mediocre to the downright awful, but everyone got their five minutes onstage and felt all the better for it. And just at the end, when the crowd was beginning to fidget and shuffle their feet, a name not on the programme was announced and the hall fell silent once again.

Kelly sashayed onto the stage in a long black dress, holding a microphone and looking every inch the diva. She gave a quick nod to Anoushka, who was standing almost in the wings with a guitar slung over her shoulder. A starting note was given and Kelly began to sing.

_Feels like I have always known you_

_And I swear I dreamt about you_

_All those endless nights I was alone_

_It's like I've spent forever searching_

_Now I know that it was worth it_

_With you it feels like I am finally home_

_Falling head over heels _

_Thought I knew how it feels_

_But with you it's like the first day of my life_

Celia watched her on the stage with an ache in her heart. The words of the song could have perfectly described her feelings for Kelly, and it hurt like nothing before to know that they were not meant for her, that the girl onstage was seeking out another's face in the audience, someone who would not, could not understand how lucky she was.

She wiped fiercely at her eyes. She would not cry. She would not show any emotion. She would just sit, and watch the love of her life sing her heart out for another girl.

_Cause you leave me speechless_

_When you talk to me_

_And you leave me breathless_

_The way you look at me_

_You've managed to disarm me_

_My soul is shining through_

_Can't help but surrender_

_My everything to you_

As she sang, her eyes slid over the crowd, looking for the one person she wanted to see. She caught a glimpse of Celia, head in hands, and felt a pang of regret. She would have to talk this out with her. But not now. Not tonight. Tonight was not for dwelling on what could have been, but for thinking about what could – would? – be.

_I thought I could resist you_

_I thought that I was strong_

_Somehow you are different from what I've known_

_I didn't see it coming_

_You took me by surprise and_

_You stole my heart before I could say no_

_Falling head over heels_

_Thought I knew how it feels_

_But with you it's like the first day of my life_

She finally sought out the face she was looking for among all the others. Annabelle was watching with a kind of fear on her face. Kelly didn't know how she was feeling, or even if she'd realised the song, the whole performance, was dedicated to her. But she had a hunch that the brunette knew, and knew it very well, going by her expression. She couldn't tell yet what her reaction would be, good or bad. She would just have to sing for her, to her, and hope.

_Cause you leave me speechless_

_When you talk to me_

_And you leave me breathless_

_The way you look at me_

_You've managed to disarm me_

_My soul is shining through_

_Can't help but surrender_

_My everything to you_

That was where she broke down. She found she could no longer sing the words, so choked up was she with love and confusion and pain and fear, fear of rejection and of acceptance and of everything. She turned away from the crowd watching her with wide eyes and let Anoushka play solo for a while.

Turning back around, she slotted the microphone into its stand and spoke softly as the guitar played on.

"This song… this song is for someone special. And I think – I hope she knows who she is."

She broke off and watched the heads turn, some to look at Celia, some at Annabelle. When she had regained their attention she went on.

"I don't know why I did this tonight. I just felt that I had to, that it was the only way I could get across what I wanted to get across. I'm not very good at communicating my private feelings to people. So I had to do it in the only way I know how; in full view, in public, in front of you all. Now it's not up to me any more. I've done my bit. All I can do now is hope."

With that she ran offstage, tripping over the hem of her dress. The girls all assumed that she was embarrassed at baring her soul in front of everyone. Only Celia guessed, and rightly, that it was her reaction to seeing Annabelle shoulder a whole row of people out of her way in her haste to get out of the hall.


	9. Heavily Broken

(A/N: Okay, so this chapter feels, to me, heavily contrived, but hey, I like the song, and somehow I had to set it up for the next chapter to work! Don't hit me?)

9. Heavily Broken

After the dramatic finale to the talent show the school was in uproar once again. Rumours abounded and the twins were making a roaring trade out of betting on who'd be the first to appear in public: Kelly or Annabelle. For neither had been seen since that night. Over the first couple of days everyone assumed they'd be out soon enough. "Just give them time," was the general feeling. But after four days and no sightings of either, everybody was beginning to get a little more serious, a little more worried, and a little closer to taking matters into their own hands.

Kelly, for her part, had barricaded herself into her room, pushing a chest of drawers across the door and for added measure wedging a large chair under the door handle. So far no-one had tried a battering ram, but it was only a matter of time. In her present state, she didn't really care.

_I'm heavily broken_

_And I don't know what to do_

_Can't you see that I'm choking?_

_And I can't even move_

_When there's nothing left to say_

_What can you do?_

_I'm heavily broken_

_And there's nothing I can do_

Food had stopped being an issue. She no longer felt like eating; hadn't, in fact, since watching Annabelle's exit from the hall. All she had done since then was drink anything she could lay her hands on; and her room being what it was, a veritable stockpile of alcoholic beverages, she had a lot of choice. So far she had got through six bottles of wine, one of vodka (not made on the premises), countless tequila shots (without salt or lime), two six-packs of beer and a bottle of something concocted by Matron that had provoked a violent reaction upon drinking. This dangerous cocktail had been accompanied by long alternate bouts of sleeping, groaning, headaches and leaning over the toilet, throwing it all up again, and consequently she was feeling rather the worse for wear.

_Almost given up on trying_

_Almost heading for a fall_

_And now my mind is screaming out_

_I've got to keep on fighting_

_But then again_

_It doesn't end_

Annabelle was dealing with things in a similar fashion, although being rather more straight-laced than Kelly, she was sticking to wine as her toxin of choice. She felt like gas in a canister, pressurised and being squeezed out bit by bit until there was nothing left.

After Kelly's recital and subsequent speech she'd had to get out, get some air, get some space in which to thin. Her mind was reeling, hit by revelations all at once that she just couldn't deal with. And as soon as she'd gotten out, she'd found that after all, she didn't want to think. She wanted to drink so hard she stopped thinking about anything, and put all her energy into becoming completely and utterly pissed so she simply wouldn't care any more.

Now she was lying on her bed, having exhausted her alcohol supply, with a pounding headache, and was wondering what an earth she should do next. She knew she couldn't stay locked up much longer; as little as she felt like eating, her body was crying out for some kind of nourishment other than alcohol, which hardly counted.

Besides that, she had gradually come to realise that she was acting like a child, running away at the slightest upset, instead of staying to face the (literal) music. And it wasn't only the fact that she'd have to face her problems sooner or later. She'd found that she missed Kelly. Really missed her. Not in the way she had missed toys going missing, or friends who'd gone away on holiday. It was deeper than that. It was an aching, a longing, something she couldn't quite put her finger on but had a very good idea of what it should be called.

Sighing, she got off her bed and padded over to the door. Her aunt had kindly provided her with a room should she ever need it, and this time it had really come in handy – especially the peephole in the door. She peered out at the gaggle of small girls hanging around outside, some camped there with provisions and all obviously waiting for her exit. She couldn't get out that way, then.

Carefully she picked her way over to the sash window on tiptoe, creeping around the wine bottles, corks and occasional fragments of broken glass. Opening the window, she climbed gingerly out onto the (thankfully wide) ledge and sent a silent thankyou to her aunt that the room was right next to the fire escape that ran round the corner of the building. She inched her way along the ledge and grabbed hold of the rickety staircase, sliding in sideways between the bars. Mounting the steps with increasing ease and surety, she breathed in the fresh air, glad to get out of her stuffy, hazy room.

Finding her way onto the roof was much easier and far less scary than she had expected. She clambered over the parapet onto the long balcony that conveniently stretched right around this part of the roof, all the way over to Kelly's room.

As she rounded a corner she stopped in her tracks. Kelly was standing right in front of her. Her black hair was tousled and uncombed, her lipstick smudged, her eyeliner streaked down her face.

Without saying a word she stepped forward and put her arms around Kelly's waist, holding her tightly. After a second's hesitation she felt arms around her shoulder, drawing her closer to the taller girl, and she smiled. This was right. This was good. This was what she'd been afraid of all along, and she could have kicked herself for fighting it now.

She reached up on her toes and whispered into Kelly's ear.

"I love you."


	10. I Could Get Used To This

(A/N: Prepare for short and slushy.)

10. I Could Get Used To This

_I'm feeling it coming over me_

_With you it all comes naturally_

_Lost the reflex to resist_

_And I could get used to this_

Kelly sighed, and rolled over. It was well before dawn, and Annabelle was still asleep, not surprisingly. She leaned over and kissed her girlfriend's cheek ever so softly so as not to wake her. The sleeping girl mumbled something, in the midst of a dream, and smiled almost angelically. This made Kelly smile, too, and thank whoever was up there, if there was, indeed, any kind of higher power, that she had let her very fierce guard down for once to let this beautiful girl into her life.

_You like the songs I write _

_You like the movies I like_

_There must be some kind of twist_

_But I could get used to this_

The weeks since their meeting on the rooftop had been interesting. For a start, they had got to know each other all over again. Although before Annabelle would have counted Kelly among her friends, she had quickly found that she knew almost nothing about the head girl, and promptly set about digging and poking and finding out every last thing about her. And Kelly was quite happy to tell her. She'd never had this kind of in-depth relationship before – she'd always gone for the one-night stands and friends-with-benefits herself – and so it was all new to her too.

On her part, Annabelle was becoming accustomed to being with another girl. She'd led a closeted life, always at girls' schools, and had never so much as kissed a boy. Then again, she'd never kissed a girl either, and Kelly'd had a lot to teach her. After a week's careful "tuition", as she preferred to call it, the younger girl had been found to be surprisingly good at any number of things.

_Because you listen to me when I'm depressed_

_It doesn't seem to make you like me less_

Not all of their conversations had been pleasant. They were both trying to be a little less dependent on alcohol, and that had caused some flaming rows when one was feeling the effects of not drinking. During Annabelle's soul-searching, they'd both found out some pretty dark truths about each other, and there had been crying, and hugging, and kissing, and…

_If that's a dark side to you I haven't seen it_

_And every good thing you do it feels like you mean it_

Thinking back on it made Kelly grin all over again. They'd had so many good times already, and they were hardly started. She lay back and drifted off into a pleasant little daydream of the two of them living together, somewhere, in a small cottage with roses round the door… well, not quite. She wasn't that much of a romantic just yet! But she wasn't quite such a cynic about love, etc any more. Annabelle had changed all that.

She felt a movement to her right and turned onto her side to watch her girlfriend wake up. These first moments of the day were always the best. Time together, uninterrupted by anyone. This was their time, just for them.

But not today, it seemed. There was a loud knock on the door, which was soon repeated when neither made a move. Taylor's voice came muffled through the door, frantic and almost shouting.

"Kel! Get out here NOW! Celia's about to kill herself!"


	11. Nobody Wins

(A/N: Sorry about the minor cliffhanger... Here it is! Lot of changeability, not sure I like it... please, please tell me what you think!

11. Nobody Wins

Kelly stood on the grass, looking up at the small, fragile figure balancing precariously on the parapet, an inch away from falling to her death. When she had heard Taylor's words, all thought of staying in bed had evaporated, alluring as the idea was. It hadn't taken her long to pull on a coat and follow Taylor down onto the lawn, a move which she was now cursing herself for – why in heaven's name hadn't she gone up to the roof to get Celia down? She felt helpless, staring at the tiny outline against the sky, and knowing that she was the reason Celia was up there. Though most of the school had by this time gathered to gawp, she felt completely alone in the crowd.

_Now we're too far gone_

_For me to say_

_And I never thought that we'd come to this_

_Baby there's beauty in goodbye_

_There's just no reason left to try_

_You push me away_

_Another black day_

_A count of the reasons to cry_

_Look what you missed_

_Living like this_

_Nobody wins_

_Nobody wins_

Celia could feel the wind on her face, blowing her hair out behind her like a flag. For the first time since the whole fiasco began she felt calm, and safe, confident in the knowledge that very soon she could leave the stupid mess behind and just not be any longer. She was so sick of it all; the rumours, the whispers, the constant ache inside her like her heart had been ripped out. Well, she was saying goodbye to all that.

Down below she could just make out Kelly in the multitude of people, her black hair standing out like a beacon among the sea of blondes and brunettes. Strangely, she did not feel anything looking down at her ex-girlfriend, the sole reason for her being up there. She only felt empty, free of all ties, no longer caring about anyone or anything except the stillness and the space in front of her.

"Celia?"

The voice jolting her out of her trance was close behind her - so close that she stumbled, one foot falling into the air and knowing that the other would soon follow. But then there were strong hands around her waist, pulling her back.

"I've got you."

There it was again, that voice – slightly harsh, and with a thick accent, but to Celia in her bemused state it sounded like the voice of an angel. Perhaps she had died after all and was now in some kind of nether world. Then she felt herself being pulled up and over the ledge and forced to sit on the ground, safely away from the drop.

Now she could see the "angel". It was Anoushka, standing over her, wearing a curious expression of anger, bemusement and pity. She bent down to sit on Celia's legs – not painfully, she couldn't feel anything, but presumably to stop her from throwing herself over the edge – and looked her in the eye, head on one side, regarding her.

When she spoke her voice was softer, more gentle, more kindly than anyone had ever heard her before.

"She's not worth it. I promise you, she's not worth it."

Through a fog of disappointment and relief Celia heard her words as if underwater, saw her lips moving out of sync. But she understood.

"I know."

Anoushka smiled, leaning forwards to brush Celia's hair back from her face.

"I've watched you. You're clever, you know that? And pretty. Don't throw that away because of red lipstick and a pair of stilettos."

It was probably the longest speech she had ever made. Celia began to smile, for no reason at all, except that she could. She still had a face to smile with. And for that same reason, she stretched over and kissed her rescuer firmly on the lips.

Suddenly it no longer bothered her that she hadn't accomplished what she'd set out to do. The girl was right. She still loved Kelly – it would take time for her to get over that one – but she could see now that it wasn't going to happen. The craziness of it all amazed her, and she began to laugh, breaking the kiss, which had become a little more than a quick peck. She had woken up that morning determined to end it all, and not two hours later she was sitting on the roof having kissed the scariest girl in school. You couldn't make it up. If someone had asked her to explain it, she would have been lost for words. But for now she was content to sit and laugh till she cried at nothing at all.


	12. Mother Mother

(A/N: Here's the last chapter... I hope you like it, and please please review! It means so much. Much love to those who have done already!)

12. Mother Mother

_Mother mother_

_Can you hear me?_

_I'm just calling to say hello_

_How's the weather?_

_How's my father?_

_Am I lonely?_

_Heavens, no_

"Yes, Mum… Of course… Yes, I'm keeping up with all my schoolwork, not getting too distracted…" Celia winked at Anoushka as she listened to her mother prattling on down the phone line. It was an agreement of theirs; she would call once a month, and in return her school fees and allowance would be paid, no questions asked. Of course, they both knew she was never entirely honest; everyone knew of the school's fearsome reputation. But as long as she made some pretence at normality, the setup worked just fine for both of them.

"Yes… How's Dad?... Good, good… I miss him too… Boys? No, nothing like that! This is a girls' school, after all!" She began to giggle, hoping her mother would join in, and she did, right on cue. Something in her knew that she should break the news now, give her mother time to deal with it, but why spoil the illusion?

_Mother mother_

_Can you hear me?_

_Yeah, I'm sober_

_Sure, I'm sane_

_Life is perfect_

_Never better_

_Still your daughter_

_Still the same_

When they had both stopped laughing, she began to volley the questions once again. "Yes, I'm being a good girl… _(oh, the irony!)_… The teachers keep an eye on all of that. No, I'm perfectly happy here… you should see the head girl!"

She had finally reached the stage where she could bring Kelly into the conversation, even make reference to her, without feeling her heart constrict. It had taken months, and Anoushka, but now she counted herself well and truly over her ex-girlfriend. They were on good terms now. The four of them went around, almost like a gang. The school joke was that Taylor would be the next to hook up with someone; a rumour which she strongly denied, of course. Life was good.

_If I tell you what you wanna hear_

_Will it help you to sleep well at night?_

_Are you sure that I'm your perfect dear?_

_Now just cuddle up and sleep tight_

But there had been an aim to this call. She had something to say, something that she'd been avoiding for a long time. Her friends had finally cajoled her into coming clean about what she really got up to on weekends. Well, not the graphic details, but the basic gist of it.

"Yes, yes… Mum? Before you go, there's something I need to tell you… no, I'm not pregnant! What do you take me for? No, it's not that… Mum, I've got a girlfriend."

In the pause that followed, she made her voice sound as cheery as possible.

"So, it's all good! Talk to you next month! Bye!"

She hung up, fingers trembling. Somehow it wasn't as scary as she'd feared. She always phoned home off the school payphone, which handily blocked incoming calls, so it would be another month before she'd have to face the consequences. And she guessed that if her mum hadn't chucked her out when she'd discovered her growing marijuana on the roof, she wouldn't throw too much of a hissy fit over her less-than-heterosexual status.

She walked over to where Anoushka was leaning languidly against the wall. "Well, I did it! Let's celebrate."

Her girlfriend swung an arm around the shorter girl's shoulders as they strolled off down the corridor. Celia grinned. Anoushka was so much taller than her, and she did little to help the situation by insisting on wearing stilettos so high Celia fell over when she just put them on.

Her Russian accent broke into her reverie.

"How did she take it?"

A sigh. "I didn't exactly… stick around to find out."

The famous folded arms, blocking her path. "I am ashamed of you. Is not good etiquette."

Another sigh, and hands running through tousled blonde hair. "Please, Anoushka. I don't need this right now. Give her a month, she'll calm down, come round to the idea."

A stony gaze regarding her for a moment. "I have to trust you, I suppose." Then lips on hers, kissing her forcefully, tasting not unpleasantly of vodka and lipstick. "Come on, little one. We go to see Kelly."

Grinning, Celia took her hand and let herself be half-pulled through the maze of corridors to the head girl's room. No doubt the four of them could have a little celebration. Kelly would have something for them to get thoroughly pissed on.

When they stopped outside the dark door, it was obvious at once that their friend was not alone. Certain noises that Celia recognised only too well were faintly audible. It didn't stop Anoushka from knocking, however, a sadistic smile on her face.

"Who is it?"

Kelly's voice – slightly breathless, perhaps, or was it just Celia's imagination?

"It's us, Kel," she called out, in answer. Somehow she could see Kelly smiling already, before Anoushka had pushed the door open, before they had seen Kelly lying on the bed, Annabelle (looking suspiciously topless) sitting across her waist, and both looking at the other couple with lazy half-smiles of content and mischievousness.

Kelly, of course, was the first one to break the silence.

"Well don't just stand there like lemons, any first year could walk past!"

She grinned, partly to show she was joking, and partly because of the words that followed.

"Come on in and join the fun."

And neither Celia nor Anoushka needed any encouragement at all.


End file.
